Happy New Year! Holidays are behind us and it's "Time for Change" .... yes we can say it every year and hopefully at the end of the year - there has been some positive change. 2009 was a tough year for me and for alot of stupid reasons. I put up with drama that really in retrospect didn't have shit to do with me... but if someone in your life is going through it, you kinda go thru it too. I cried nights that I shouldn't have.... I was blamed for things that I had no control of, I had a lot of miserable days in 2009 over piles of bull. Well those days are over... now I have to take care of ME. As Tamia says.... "If I have to choose, I choose me." I finally had to tell myself, I didn't cause all this mess and I'm not going to let someone blame me for the mess their life is in. Ultimately even if you let someone's feelings/emotions affect your decisions in life, bottom line is the decision was still yours. So only YOU are to blame. I want my peace back. I want my tranquility back. I complained about my marriage but at least during that time we didn't have drama surrounding us. My other lesson this year.... is trying to help and support others has spiralled me out of control financially. I can say without question that even at the point before bankruptcy, I have never been this bad off financially. Single-handedly making bad decision after bad decision. But no more. I have to take control of my own.... And that doesn't mean I won't still make mistakes but I will be conscience of my spending from now own....and make better decisions. Gonna have to bump me some Beyonce now.....Me, Myself and I.
I'm experiencing "grey areas" in my life right now. Yes I am still separated and not divorced. Yes I still technically have a live-in boyfriend and a husband. And yes they both want to be a major part of my life. And unfortunately, I want to be a part of both of their lives but realize that can't happen. Initial sparks wear out and reality sets in..... just in my case sparks can go on a long time usually after sexual and emotional connections have gotten way too deep. Right now I'm taking the time to redefine love in my life. Love means something different to each person. I realize in talking to different friends on a day-to-day basis...that we all view relationships differently. Some women think that as long as he's a provider, they can put up with anything. To me money is not everything, what about the desire to be in your partner's presence? What about having that indescribable feeling when you get that hug at the end of the day? What about looking f...
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