I've been told in recent months that I just don't want to let go because I'm afraid of being alone. Never thought I was. As a matter of fact, I like the peace and quiet of being alone... (sometimes). It doesn't bother me at all to come home and no one's there... make me a cup of coffee, change into my favorite house outfit...(t-shirt, panties & footies) and just watch tv, or read a book. Awww the good life. I've talked to folks all day....it doesn't bother me to come home, do the check on everyone else's day and then not say too much the rest of the night. But I guess when you think about what the person said..... you know they mean on the day-to-day basis. Am I scared to sleep alone night after night? Am I scared to not have someone to share my dreams and desires with.? Am I scared to not be "boo'd up"? I guess when I think about it that way.... I am scared! OMG....I am scared. I love building towards something with someone.... going thru some rough times so we both appreciate the good times coming. I love thinking about family vacations, and planning date night, love all those things. With that being said..... do I compromise on the things that are of importance to me in the process of NOT being alone? I think that was the point of the comment in the first place. I'm running around trying to make this boo do some of the things that the last boo did.... and when it don't happen....I'm furious and hard to get along with and making it seem as though I rather be alone. But then there are days when this boo makes me feel so much better than that last old stanking boo....lol... then what? I'm so high strung, some days I don't even realize I need to strike a balance. How in the hell am I gonna do that?
I'm experiencing "grey areas" in my life right now. Yes I am still separated and not divorced. Yes I still technically have a live-in boyfriend and a husband. And yes they both want to be a major part of my life. And unfortunately, I want to be a part of both of their lives but realize that can't happen. Initial sparks wear out and reality sets in..... just in my case sparks can go on a long time usually after sexual and emotional connections have gotten way too deep. Right now I'm taking the time to redefine love in my life. Love means something different to each person. I realize in talking to different friends on a day-to-day basis...that we all view relationships differently. Some women think that as long as he's a provider, they can put up with anything. To me money is not everything, what about the desire to be in your partner's presence? What about having that indescribable feeling when you get that hug at the end of the day? What about looking f...
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