I'm experiencing "grey areas" in my life right now. Yes I am still separated and not divorced. Yes I still technically have a live-in boyfriend and a husband. And yes they both want to be a major part of my life. And unfortunately, I want to be a part of both of their lives but realize that can't happen. Initial sparks wear out and reality sets in..... just in my case sparks can go on a long time usually after sexual and emotional connections have gotten way too deep. Right now I'm taking the time to redefine love in my life. Love means something different to each person. I realize in talking to different friends on a day-to-day basis...that we all view relationships differently. Some women think that as long as he's a provider, they can put up with anything. To me money is not everything, what about the desire to be in your partner's presence? What about having that indescribable feeling when you get that hug at the end of the day? What about looking forward to sharing your day and hearing about his? What about the little flirting you exchange throughout the day? I could go on and on....but I hear some of my friends..."Girl, that passion ain't gone pay NO bills". True but that's where the balance comes in. A man that truly loves you will make sure you're taken care of regardless. Although I can be independent, I desire a man to take charge and take his rightful place and handle the things that I can't and also step in and handle some things that I CAN handle but just because he's the man..... he got it. Fairy tale ...hmmm maybe...but hey I'm redefining what love means to me. Changing my gray area to either black or white. And that may very well mean being on my own. Which is fine also...cause guess who's rules I live by then? Yep!!! Live By My Own Rules!
Long and short of it....I'm stuck with weight loss. Could be I'm not pushing myself enough...could be I'm still over-portioned....could be my metabolism... Could, Would, Should. UGH. I read alot of blogs and websites boasting people that follow some slight modification for one week and lose over 5lbs....I've never experienced that. Even in the beginning, my loss has never been over 2lbs at a time. Very frustrating because I've made alot of changes in my physical activities and eating habits. I've even helped others with their plan. Ugh. Not discouraged enough to give up but I am discouraged. I just don't want to feel like I have to give up every single thing I enjoy in life. oh well....Sunshyne Out.
Living by your own rules.
ReplyDeleteIt's YOUR life, I commend you.